This site is absolutely amazing. And yes, it is meant to be humorous!
My current favorites:
9. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
18. PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
23. DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.
27. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
34. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
38. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
39. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
58. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [Atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [Atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home.]
(9) Therefore, God exists.
72. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity.
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists.
73. ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
(1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
(2) Atheist: of course.
(3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
(4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
(5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
(6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
(7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?
(8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?
(9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
(37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
(38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is this going?
....
(81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and J'' are true. Agreed?
(82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING?
....
(177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all obviously valid. Agreed?
(178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust.]
(179) Therefore, God exists.
104. ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
(1) Behold, foolish Atheists, I present you with an incontrovertible proof of the existence of God.
(2) [Christian posts 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break.]
(3) [Atheist's eyes implode.]
(4) I see that nobody can refute (2).
(5) Therefore, God exists.
127. ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE, a.k.a. MRS. POPE'S PROOF
(1) Chocolate is God's gift to humanity.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
(3) Now class, would anyone like to attempt an Argument From Beer?
167. ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
(1) You believe in God.
(2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get any money for college!
(3) Therefore, God exists.
175. ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK
(1) You will be assimilated.
(2) All your salvations belong to us.
(3) Resistance is futile.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
3 comments:
It is amazing, albeit slightly heretical, but amazing.
Some of my own...
ARGUMENT FROM PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY, OR, ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE INSPIRATION
(1) Peanut butter and jelly just go together so well that they couldn't have been put together by mere humans.
(2) They must have had a Divine Inspiration.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM LIME-GREEN BIRD POOP
(1) See that bird poop? It's lime green, you know, and it's kind of shaped like a Peace sign?
(2) It is too shaped like one!
(3) The bird must be an angel in disguise, using colors associated with hippies to tell us to seek Peace On Earth!
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM CTHULHU, OR, THE WHACKO-SWORD ARGUMENT
(1) The world is, like, you know, a great big bag of potato chips, just waiting for the Great Cthulhu to rip open and eat 'em.
(2) We gotta protect it, man!
(3) I'm too little to protect it. The Dread Cthulhu would rip off my arms and dunk them in, like, caramel sauce or something.
(4) Maybe if I had a great big sword...
(5) The Bible says it's a, you know, what's it called, a sword with two edges.
(6) I'll like use the Bible as a whacko-sword to beat the Great Cthulhu!
(7) Therefore, God exists.
I like the first one. Nice.
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