Do Not Disturb: Denning In Process
I'm pretty sure it's not some weird biological clock, ticking insistently away, coming to get me like Captain Hook's crocodile. But then why does everyone think I'm just going through some kind of weird phase or fad? I'm not - at least I don't think I am. If it is, then it's been one of the longer ones I've had.
It's just.... I want a place, a home. A permanent one. One that I don't have to look at and say, "Well, this sucks. Why did I do this again?" And even more, one where I can say, "This is mine, and I'm not moving. I might travel for a little while, but this is mine, and I'm coming back to it." Is that so much to ask? Everybody rattles on and one about how "home is where the heart is" and how a house without a family is empty, and really Breeann what are you thinking anyway moving so far away, are you trying to avoid us, you know how hard it is to come visit you when you're so distant.... But I'm not trying to avoid anyone; I just don't like the area here at all. I don't like the air, I don't like the land, I don't like the buildings or the cars or the obscene morbidity on the news, and maybe if I move someone will come with me, or if they don't then I can start my own pack, my own den.
And it's not just a fantasy. I like the open spaces: I like being away from the mass of people. Not all people: I want my family around me: I need them. But the crowd. The cars. The rude looks and scowls when I walk down the street. The cats and dogs lying on the side of the road (so senseless, that, I hate it, there is no purpose to it, no benefit, none at all) and the people who pretend not to see them while they lay there for the day, and the next day, and the next, until finally some city official or maybe a hungry feral dog drags it away. I don't want to be in the middle of it all the time. Occasionally, when I choose to be - there are good things to be had from it, too. But not all the time. Only sometimes. Every blue moon, maybe.
And it's not impossible, either. I know - I've studied it, looked at the land, the prices, the costs of building a home that is large enough and strong enough to contain generations of people, the job potentials in remote areas, or small ones. It doesn't have to be Utah - look at any of the open areas, Montana or Nebraska or most of the Midwest. The wind and sun will provide all the electricity one could ever hope for, and still channel more into the public webs. A hunting license will bring you all the meat you could eat in ten years, let alone one. The cost is ridiculously small - cheaper by far to build a home than to buy, if the price of the land is right - and it is! No need to worry about gangs or city-wide fires or muggers in the night. Silence when you lay down, and the birds when you wake, and the dogs demanding their food. Is it such wishful thinking? I know that it is only a different set of hardships, but it is a more bearable one, at least to me.
Am I really so crazy?
I'm pretty sure it's not some weird biological clock, ticking insistently away, coming to get me like Captain Hook's crocodile. But then why does everyone think I'm just going through some kind of weird phase or fad? I'm not - at least I don't think I am. If it is, then it's been one of the longer ones I've had.
It's just.... I want a place, a home. A permanent one. One that I don't have to look at and say, "Well, this sucks. Why did I do this again?" And even more, one where I can say, "This is mine, and I'm not moving. I might travel for a little while, but this is mine, and I'm coming back to it." Is that so much to ask? Everybody rattles on and one about how "home is where the heart is" and how a house without a family is empty, and really Breeann what are you thinking anyway moving so far away, are you trying to avoid us, you know how hard it is to come visit you when you're so distant.... But I'm not trying to avoid anyone; I just don't like the area here at all. I don't like the air, I don't like the land, I don't like the buildings or the cars or the obscene morbidity on the news, and maybe if I move someone will come with me, or if they don't then I can start my own pack, my own den.
And it's not just a fantasy. I like the open spaces: I like being away from the mass of people. Not all people: I want my family around me: I need them. But the crowd. The cars. The rude looks and scowls when I walk down the street. The cats and dogs lying on the side of the road (so senseless, that, I hate it, there is no purpose to it, no benefit, none at all) and the people who pretend not to see them while they lay there for the day, and the next day, and the next, until finally some city official or maybe a hungry feral dog drags it away. I don't want to be in the middle of it all the time. Occasionally, when I choose to be - there are good things to be had from it, too. But not all the time. Only sometimes. Every blue moon, maybe.
And it's not impossible, either. I know - I've studied it, looked at the land, the prices, the costs of building a home that is large enough and strong enough to contain generations of people, the job potentials in remote areas, or small ones. It doesn't have to be Utah - look at any of the open areas, Montana or Nebraska or most of the Midwest. The wind and sun will provide all the electricity one could ever hope for, and still channel more into the public webs. A hunting license will bring you all the meat you could eat in ten years, let alone one. The cost is ridiculously small - cheaper by far to build a home than to buy, if the price of the land is right - and it is! No need to worry about gangs or city-wide fires or muggers in the night. Silence when you lay down, and the birds when you wake, and the dogs demanding their food. Is it such wishful thinking? I know that it is only a different set of hardships, but it is a more bearable one, at least to me.
Am I really so crazy?
4 comments:
Bree,I know how you feel, While i was up at calvin crest you know what I heard? Nothing. No police, no cars,no violence (except one gun shot from bill dodge because he was putting a bird out of its misery) and now I am back here, I feel out of place, Like...Tarzan if you will. So we suport what you are doing. so if you need any help with money or building the place try and contact us. you know we will help.
~C
I don't need help with the money, or shouldn't. That's one of the reasons I'm so _tired_ of it all - because it would be so easy, so very easy to do... When the land is cheap, and the building is large enough to purchase supplies in bulk, and there is a job in the area, it's very easy. Laughably so. Not in four years, maybe. But ten? But moral support is what I need. Encouragement - some sign of people thinking that I'm not just off in la-la-land again.
I don't feel like Tarzan, so much... I feel like a dog that was raised in the country, with one family and one home, and was then tossed into the middle of the city and expected to do all kinds of new strange things. All the dog really wants is to get back to safety and comfort.
And it can't do it alone. some times it needs acouple of old muts to help out a bit.
~C
Nice analogy, Chris! I take offense at the mutt comment, though... *grins*
Bree, you know Chris and I throw our moral support behind you. Plus, if I wasn't supportive of your idea, I might not have ever volunteered to create the blueprints.If you can make it happen, which I believe you can, it will be most wonderful.
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